Dad pulled Aunt Eleanor’s wheelchair close to her, sat down, and leaned over to where she reclined so they could look through old photo albums and reminisce. My heart swelled as she effortlessly transported us to years and times long gone–which was amazing since it was her 102nd birthday. (I have trouble remembering what Mary and I had for dinner last night.) Our family gathered in the small home passed the tattered books around, and we all smiled and got a little misty-eyed as precious memories resurrected themselves. Love and laughter flowed through that room and bound us together...as always.
Connections form the lasting relationships that nurture us for a lifetime, usually through common experiences. Families under the same roof have no other choice, and the bonds, which time and distance may weaken, suddenly revive.
“Eleanor, didn’t you drive that ‘39 Chrysler to work? I remember that as a young boy,” said Dad, pulling a picture from the book.
“Yes. I didn’t have a license yet, but I drove the back dirt roads from the farm to town,” she answered.
Suddenly, I found myself teleported to rural West Texas and connected with life on the family cotton farm.
I can also get together with childhood schoolmates, and the déjà vu of old feelings instantly re-connects us. Working through adolescence and its new emotions, awkwardness, physical and mental transformations while attempting to maintain passing grades in a close-proximity classroom builds one-of-a-kind, eternal bonds. The hugs at 50-year reunions are heartfelt, not because of sitting through boring lectures together, but because of previous constant interactions and the similar exertion in completing assigned work.
Shared struggles, especially for something worthwhile, also create unbreakable bonds. Motivated athletic teammates feel this. Workmates might. Church goers should. The difference between common experience out of necessity (ties that bind) and the magic of bonding (ties that build) depends on vision and purpose. Two cubicle mates grunting through unfulfilling work may feel similar misery - like oarsmen in a slave galley, but their only bond is a desire to be somewhere else.
"What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him.” - Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor, psychologist
It is absurdly easy for people to use position power to make ties that bind. “Do what I tell you.” Outstanding leaders, however, make sure every team member sees the vision of what they are building together and how each person is making and important contribution. It’s all about building and nurturing connections - ties that build.
How do you know if your people feel connected? Here’s a survey you can use.
CONNECTION INDEX SURVEY
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 meaning “never”, 5 meaning “sometimes,” and 10 meaning “always,” how do the following statements describe how you feel?
- ”I am excited because I see where we are going.”
- “I am fully engaged because I have purpose.”
- ”I am challenged because I am growing.”
- “I feel appreciated because others acknowledge my efforts.”
- “I feel trusted because I have important responsibilities.”
- “I feel powerful because I have limitless possibilities.”
- ”I feel loved and safe because I can overcome mistakes.”
- “I feel inspired because my leaders and teammates energize me.”
- “This is where I belong because I am included.”
- “I am becoming fulfilled because I am connected.”
If the results are very positive, great! Keep doing what you are doing. If there is room for improvement, educate yourself on how to build an engaging workplace, team, or congregation. Learn to form the connecting bonds that elevate the human experience, then do the hard “people” work. Make ties that build. The results will astonish you.